So long 2010! HELLO 2011!

No doubt I am excited for a new year, its what I see as a fresh start or something. There is so much I want to accomplish by the end of next year into 2012... gulp. o.o
Finding a job, getting a drivers license, get voluntary work, apply for university and most importantly enjoy my summer. (;
Has anybody got any new years resolutions?
I don't really see the point of keeping one, most people don't really keep them anyway! My dad is an avid smoker and he manages to always keep a new years resolution... well he says 'I will stop smoking' but uh. That never happens. Even so we still make them.
I still remember myself in the year 1999 even though I was like 5/6 years old and it was the big millennium there was a small TV in the corner of the room, it wasn't really small, just small and I had a bugs bunny note pad in my hand, my sister had a tweety bird note pad. I seriously thought the world was going to end there and then when the clock struck 12. I closed my eyes and everything, it was pretty massive. Now when it hits 12 it won't be as exciting as it used to be. :(
Anyway, I hope you do have an awesome new years party or whatever and try not to drink so much. o.O
I don't know. xD

Journey to nowhere?

You know your weird when you get off the bus and then travel in the wrong direction to your destination.

Cycle Path From 1 City to Another

In actual fact I just didn't want to go home just yet so I decided to go for a walk and had no idea where I was going, I know what your thinking, that's dangerous and she is weird. Well yeah, looking back on it, I was acting a little pretty cooky. Even more cooky because it was  -3 degrees outside but did you know walking does kind of warms you up inside.. some how.
So, I got off the bus and the first place I went to was the cycle path, its pretty long and it goes from one city to another which is like 13 miles? I didn't walk the whole path though, that would of been pretty weird of me and I would of been to lazy to do so. It was just this long path for bikes and people I guess, it was strange walking down because... it was pretty quiet and well there were so many paths to take I didn't know whether I should of carried on walking straight or go to a turn of leading you to a road but.. I kept on walking.

As I kept on walking I saw a squirrel. Yes a grey one.
Anyway, I kept on walking and it was really quiet, only one cyclist went by every few minutes from a distance I thought I saw a man but then the man lifted its hat off and out came a lock of hair, I thought oh okay its not a man its a woman so yeah, (bearing in mind I had not much to look at so I kept focus of this person) as the woman got closer, I was mistaken again, it was in fact a man with dreadlocks. Whoops.
I didn't really want to keep on going straight so I decided to get off this turn off this picture here. It looked like a wheelchair access type of thing but obviously since this was a cycle path.. this exit was for cyclists too. So I walked down it, I had no idea to where it lead to, but as I got off it, it was all clear to me.

It is in fact a graveyard, I knew exactly where I was because I had relatives who lived exactly opposite to this one and growing up I had to always walk past it to reach their house, I never slept round their house. This one was pretty massive I would read the names on the stones and there are some old ones.




While I was still walking on the cycle path there was this old building called Elizabeth Shaw, If I'm not mistaken, this building is where they made chocolate, I know this because my mum used to work here when it was open and she would tell us that it was.. haunted. o.O
I don't know if that's true but that place looks well scary now, broken glass everywhere.

 Yeah, so there still is snow everywhere!!! Its really annoying but.. what can you do ey?
(Yeah.. I don't know what to write for this) This is where my journey ended.

This.. well I was actually in the car when I took this but if you look real close in the distance you will see this yellow building.
I have no idea where it come from but I know some people who would call it 'Mad house' I don't know why but I see this everything I am on the motorway which is like 5 times a year.. yeah we have a lot of relatives, that's the price of being an Asian I guess. ;) So when I come back from a long trip from Heathrow Airport, which is an amazing airport I see this mad house and think. I'm almost home! If you have figured out where I live please don't stalk me. ;]

I love the motorway, looks so nice.

Woop Woop!!!! Party!!

Yes, its been a year already and I hope there are more years to come, the joy I have of blogging.
Happy anniversary I guess, to myself and this blog.
I have no idea why I'm writing so formally.
TTYL!!

(The next blog should be interesting and yes, finally! I will have pictures)

Just too much...

Obviously, the choices we make will define us for the rest of our lives, my early stages of life were pretty.. weird well you know, like any child who cared much for school? or about what we wore to school. Well actually I was really fanatic about my hair in those days which is pretty weird considering I was pretty much a tomboy then. Yeah, I hated dresses and looking 'dolled up' and wore hoodies and sporty things like Kappa. I keep saying and thinking how much I really miss my childhood and how hard I have to work these days to do well. Its horrible since I don't have an older sibling I could really look up to... well actually that's a lie.
I have a... almost 20 year old sister and I wouldn't really call her a role model so its just me.


My cousin, every time me and her see each other have this saying 'Middle children are adopted' its just a figure of speech, I'm not actually adopted... and I think I'm pretty sure of that! But yeah its just how we are I guess, first borns have a more special place in their parents hearts and the youngest, last borns are.. obvious the baby of the family. I always see this in my mind and I don't know why, I shouldn't really though, so as I am the middle child I am more... mature (sumujdhar as my dad would say, in his language) I just feel that is a big responsibility for me. my older sister is sort of just wandering around places with no future for her career wise so my parents don't do anything about it.


So why has it always got to be me?
Seriously? I don't want this anymore.
I wish I could have a long holiday and not come back to this.
I don't know exactly what I'm trying to run away from but its just too much for me to carry.
Give it to someone else! PLEASE.

Hold onto them... and never let go..

Growing up I have come to realised that the people who you meet in primary school, your first school in which you make your first friends and maybe even best friends, going around their houses, its kind of like having a second family, someone you can always turn to. You love seeing them in school everyday and get worried when they don't come in. Loved going to school knowing you had such great friends by your side.

For me, I had two best friends when I was in primary school, we used to have so much fun together and they were the same religion as me so it made me feel in more comfortable being around them. In school, whenever our teacher wasn't in school and we had a substitute, we were always separated because we wouldn't shut up in class, there would always be a kid in our class that said 'They are not suppose to sit together!' I even remember buying a three part 'best friend' necklace.

It may sound sort of corny but I really miss those simpler days, where studying was not the biggest worry in my life, all this responsibility was not important and making friends wasn't as hard as it is now.

While my friend was acting all goofy, stealing my bag because she didn't want me to leave her I even somehow said 'Stop acting so immature' or something along those lines, this happened today. 

So, me and my 'old' best friends are all grown up now, when we were 12 we went our separate ways to secondary school, and I hardly saw them after that. At first we would write letters to one another (that how long ago it was we wrote letters :P no Facebook or mobile phones to text) only last week I wanted to see her again so I said why don't we meet up, baring in mind I'm always the one who has to say 'oh what time? and when?' and she never bothers to reply back.

So I say, why bother? When she doesn't even bother considering answering my bloody texts?? Still, I want to stick onto our friendship because she was the reason why I enjoyed my primary school days and that would be a waste of my years of friendship and I really miss her.

Well... I did mention I had TWO best friends this was just one of them, the other one I was... much close to should I say. But then when we went to secondary school, everything changed between us, she was the one I sent the letters to and she changed, one of the worse things you could imagine when it came to your best friend, this was not the best friend you once knew, she was all about boys and I wasn't, I was still about friends, of course they were all different and secondary school, there was only 2 people who were the same religion as me and one of them was me! The other was a boy... my... um... old... crush. BARF!!!

Anyway.. a little argument broke our friendship, I was devestated, a little discussion that she took the wrong way ruined it all, of course after a year or two we became friends again, course she was the one who spoke to me first ;). but it will never be the same.

Now, I have a friend who has become really close to me, she calls me her best friend, and although I see her as one I don't completely feel the same way because to me I still remember my old best friends who I barely ever see. And I know, in a year or two she will disappear as well. 

I will still stick to my old friends as much as I can, I just hope they do the same.

IMissYouB&R<3

OH! I hope my blogs aren't too long :P 

Still alive baby! Woooooo!

My driving instructor, that's right! I'm learning to drive people!!
Any way my driving instructor said that driving a car was like riding a bike.
Let's take a look at the facts shall we?
Does a car have pedals?
Does a car have handle bars?
Does a car have 2 wheels?
Does a car have bike chains?
With a first few experiences riding a car no way did it feel like riding a bike. Zilch.
Anyway that doesn't really matter, I just thought I'd put that in there.
SO! Driving a car was really interesting, I did mention in my other posts that I was pretty small - please don't have a freakishly short person in your head I'm 5 foot something - yeah so the car was pretty small but somehow I managed to be smaller. I don't even know how that is even possible it felt like I should of taken a pillow to sit on in the car, I could see fine but let's just say I still had the sun in my eyes even when I used the sun protecter thingy know what I'm saying? (no..?)
worse enough I saw my dad staring at me through the window and when I told him it put me off he said it shouldn't and that we wanted to see me drive and tell everyone. (aw)
It was still pretty funny aspecially when other drivers over take me and my instructor starts swearing at them using a colour range of words.
I think I did pretty well seeing as I am still alive as I drove for an hour. GOO ME!

I can't get this thought out of my head!!!!!!

I have these sudden thoughts about... death. Technically life after death, you hear so many stories from different religions you don't know what to believe any more.
I know I am suppose to believe in judgement day and how God is going to judge us on how we used our life, or something along those lines. Now that scares me.
I keep wondering if I will live another life or if I live the same life.. just dead. Or if we just don't live at all, kind of like how we sleep practically making us dead?
Arg these stupid thoughts are driving me mad. I know I should not be thinking about things like this, I'm only 17 for crying out loud and I have these obnoxious thoughts!
I keep saying I don't believe in ghosts, and we aren't suppose to. Still one night, when I was pretty young, not really young to be having imaginary friends but... 11? or 12... something like that.
I was trying to sleep when I heard this really creepy sound, a ghost sound, like a proper ghost sound. Like you would hear in movies, and I was sure nobody was playing a movie up stairs since we don't have a TV. This was late at night. Those memories that can never be erased.
My cousins live in front of a graveyard. Creepy or what.
Now younger kids are even freakier, I don't mean 10 or 11 years of age, I mean 2 - 6 years of age.
I have a lot of baby cousins and its like they have ways of communicating with the dead. Well sort of.
I had uncle, who passed away years ago, my baby cousin who is.. 2? I believe said she saw him... now why would a 2 year old lie about something like that?
Another cousin who was 5 years old at the time was sat down at the bottom of the stairs, in the dark with one creepy  light on, this was at night and in a big house, he was staring at something and talking... it was me who had to tell him to get his butt up the stairs to go to sleep... I had to go back down the stairs. Creepy.


Imagine your home alone.  And its so quiet that you tend to listen to every movement in the house. You keep looking over your shoulder for any movement...
Stop.
Don't.
Keep telling yourself  "Its nothing" and blast on some music so it doesn't seem as quiet.


On the brighter side of things, ITS HALF TERM!! A WHOLE WEEK OFF! WOOO I CAN SLEEP BECAUSE I HAVE NO JOB! BECAUSE IM CRAP AT INTERVEIWS.
Okay peace, I hope your not as scared as I am and if you are.. sorry. :) 

Well this is England for ya!

For all of you that know England is one of those messed up countries that can't make up their bloody mind!
That's not very nice! :OO
I was talking about the weather.
Recently... um its just turned... spring? No.. Autumn. Yeah, Autumn.
I just looked out my window and somehow the green leaves have turned into this very extravagant red colour - VERY PWEEETY.
The recent change in weather means a change in me, well actually the change in weather is making me ill, probably just a cold, SO DON'T PANIC! (Pssht, like it matters..)
I thought autumn is just like winter except where everything green just falls of its branches? I feel like an idiot not knowing but I don't keep up with the four... times of the year. :S I'll just be like 'Oh yeah its summer' Or 'Oh crap its winter... agian!'
I bet thats what it like in the countries that never have a change in weather!
Isn't America (amreeka!!) like that?
See, over by where I live, we get at least 1 week of just pure sunshine and then we never see the sun again. Sure then we would say oh I wish it was cold, but actually its true, when your here, you wish it was never that hot all the time, it wouldn't really be England without it in my opinion. Right now you see the bright sun hanging over our heads but.. WHY IS IT SO COLD OUTSIDE!!!
Makes no sense to me, the sun is out but the... hotness isn't!!!
Does the weather effect our moods?
Lets see.
 Recently I went on holiday to where my family live where the sun is out 24/7
One day, while the sun was still out... it started to... rain.
Now, while it was very sunny over there, people were depressed, never leaving the house and finding ways to cool themselves down, over there A/C (air conditioning) is a must, they probably wouldn't survive without it. Okay so they have fans over there too!
But as water droplets starting falling from the sky, aka rain, everyone was very happy, they would stand outside taking in all in, I was actually surprised,
"Hey, shouldn't you stay inside because its raining?"
"No! its magical!"
Lol. Magical.
I would hate for them to see snow, they might get too overexcited and collapse!
Even my parents thought they should try it out, going outside in the rain, its basically what we do over in England almost every week but the difference over there is that they don't wear coats! :O
I just stood by the door, watching them with fascination, but sadly, the rain started to slow down and then stop.
"Wow that was greeat!!" See, these people get very excited about the weirdest things, but that's family for you and I wouldn't change them in any way.
Maybe just one.
(Sorry cuz!)

Scariest Moment In My Life

Yesterday I went to a theme park I believe is in or near by London, Thorpe Park. The ride that stuck out from the rest of them was the 'SAW ALIVE - LIVE ACTION MAZE' And when it said Live, It really did mean live. We ended up waiting in the Que for 30 minutes even though it was a 60 minutes line but I'm not complaining, I was in front of my group and when it was our turn to go into the maze everyone started pushing and shoving and because I didn't have the slightest clue to what was going on I didn't fuss about being pushed to the back. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my neck. We made our way to the entrance where they told us to put our hands on the person in front of yous shoulders, I was second last because everyone was getting scared and didn't want to be put at the back, I was sort of small so I could hardly do anything to get peoples attention but the oldest of the group was behind me. As we went inside the maze it was all good and we had to take our pictures and it was pitch dark so we didn't know what to expect. A lady gave us instructions and said not to hit anybody... wait what? Who could we hit?
I was- well we were all in for the shock of our lives as there were actual people dressed  up in costumes scaring the lives out of us, i literally felt my heart stop (which wouldn't be very good since I had a heart condition - They did mention if you had a heart condition don't go in but I knew my heart is strong enough hey.. I'm still alive!) Anyway..
Everyone was petrified as we tried to get a hold of each others shoulders, didn't want to let go, didn't want to look at what things brought us next. Somebody screamed and it scared all of us, the person behind me started grabbing me really hard, taking my clothes with her (not literally) and then she let go of me and pushed her way in front of me!!!!!! I was just like... WHAT THE HELL?? and you know what she did?
APOLOGIZE! (What a wiener)
Being at the back WAS NOT fun at all because they follow you, I was there going "SHE'S RIGHT BEHIND ME MOVE THE HELL UP" Every time we went into a room, there was always someone behind me.. touching me! Banging onto walls just staring at you, I wanted to... punch her but uh I didn't want to let go. At some point though people started running and so I did get a bit lost which wasn't good, we ending up running quite fast that we bumped into a group in front of us. Somebody grabbed my cousins arm going 'DON'T LEAVE ME' I was glad that didn't happen to me. Things got worst as we made our way into the last room where there was a person in all white tied up acting kinda freaky, banging walls and hitting the floor another person screaming following us, but what happens?
With my luck I felt something pulling me back seeing as I was the last person, my jacket actually got caught in something and now its broke because I was pulling it so hard. The evil guy who was scaring us stopped acting and said 'Oh no are you okay?' I was still in shock but said yeah and legged it out of the maze.

Your probably thinking something like I'm a wuss but seriously go for it and see for yourself, this was just a heads up on what happens, I didn't have a clue and I managed to live. Looking back on it.. it was fun!

The Host

If you're into the whole sci-fi, aliens scenario then you'll probably like this book well I'm not into reading about aliens either but this book offers so much more than just that, it has romance, adventure, emotional parts and did I mention ROMANCE?! It's one of the key things I love to read about when I'm reading any book.
When your first reading the book you'd think 'oh this is boring' but as you keep reading, it starts to pick up until you can't stop reading it anymore and when you have to put the book down, you start thinking about the book 'oh whats going to happen next??' my personal thoughts exactly. It's written by our very own Twilight.. maker - Stephanie Meyer.
These is no resemblance between the book which I am thankful for actually the only thing which is the same between Twilight Saga and The Host is that in both the books, these is a character called Jared. But I'm not talking about Twilight here so I'll shut up about it.
The host is one of those few books that I would love to sit down and read again and I have about four times thinking about reading it for the fifth but I have not time for that :(( *Awww*
The main character who is some sort of species develops all sorts of emotions and I love how the ending brings the species and the humans together.
The ending I should add was rather disappointing not that I didn't enjoy it, it's just one of those books that deserves a sequel to continue on, it gets you thinking what will happen next. She has written a book for some girl named Bree from the twilight saga but the book I really want from her right now is Midnight sun or The Host Sequel!
Anyway, if you have not read it and have read twilight then I suggest you must read it.

Prone to bad luck

I believe there is such thing as 'bad luck' and yeah it may be because I seem to have it, nothing has turned around every time something bad happens to me, it's like i'm always getting picked on. Today for instance, as I was just about to start my exam, well I was filling in the beginning of the paper. name ect. and then the fire alarm bell rang which meant we all had to stand outside for about 10 minutes, someone said that if we had started our exams then they would of cancelled the exam and stuck with our predicted results which I would of been ecstatically happy with but no, as soon as I came back into the exam all, I think I was a bit put off as I didn't feel I did well as of when I did it in January.
To me, I think my life is pretty unfair at this stage of life, I feel as if I could give up my whole education if I don't achieve the grades I wanted, but then again, I worked so hard for this and to find out I didn't do as well will just be a big disappointment, I don't want that.
And it's not just my school life, It's home life too, wherever I go, bad luck follow's my like a virus.
2010 is not my year, i got off to an okay start but it just went downhill from there, I mean I got my grade C for English and then fate took it away from me.
It's official, I hate 2010.
Bring on 2011 ALREADY!!


Two exams done, Two more to unfortunately to do
All I can say is, wish me luck. *Forces myself to smile*

thoughts

Last night all of a sudden I was asked about my school holidays and realised my dad was planning a holiday and hes been back what? 3 days? Yeah, left like 2 months ago.
Well its his home country and of course why would you want to live in a completly different country where everything is seen from a different cultural aspect?
Especially it being England, its hard, I understand why my dad wants to go back.
But something I didn't expect him to mention was a trip 'Europe trip' okay thats great I mean I have always wanted to explore the world but on my own. Or with a friend.
I don't know but my dad was saying how about a trip to europe if I didn't want to go with him to his home country but somewhere with my mum and sisters, I didn't want that, I think I'll save the world tour trip for when I'm in university, hopefully I will get in of course.
Lately I have been proper stressed out, I don't think I am studying as much which is really bring me down but I have nothing and need to really stop being so lazy!!
Ugh its these Japanese shows I'd go on the laptop and say 'Oh yeah let me watch one episode and I'll do some studying then' but end up wasting my whole computer time because my laptop is big fat pile of crap that shuts down when I try to complete one episode!!!!
If you want to acheive anything then studing is essential and I'll be sure to hope my sister does well and not make the same mistake like I did in my first year in GCSE's this is my second and why do I have a feeling I'll be doing another year of GCSE's??
Failure, I am.
Sucks big time and I am trying its just I think I am become more stressed out, my hairs falling out!! Joke about the hair lol. But yeah I am stressed.
As mentioned about my shyness oh my gosh!! I cannot be heard in my own classroom!
AH. Im a quiet person and when I try and give my answers I get overspoken by someone else so that noone can hear me!! That annoyed me.

Confidence *sigh*

I wish I had the confidence I have now.
When I was younger I was a really shy kid and I hated myself for it, even being around my over big family I was a very shy kid, sat at the back, didn't join in anything, didn't say anything unless it was to my sisters or parents.
I'm sure things would have changed dramatically if I had the confidence back then.
When I started primary school, reception, which was the first year of the school.
I was a very quiet kid, I never spoke to anyone and when I needed to speak to the teacher, I whispered in their ear. When you don't have the confidence, you didn't have many friends.
I could still remember myself by myself at lunch times walking around in circles, ugh I hate myself for not doing anything about it, yet its my parents fault too for not getting me involved in any outside of school activities.
I think I should mention that I did make friends eventually who were great and no I was never bullied.
It makes me miserable to think I didn't have confidence unlike all my cousins who had plenty, I had zilch. I hate myself for it.
Course now, I have more confidence than I have ever had before, not afraid to say anything anymore, that I'd have to thank my friends, if you can't be wild with your friends, who can you be wild with?
But not that much that I could do anything drastic, I know somewhere inside me is still that shy 6 year old.
Even though I'm too young to think about it but I did remember saying to myself 'When I have kids, I'll make sure they don't turn out shy like I was'

One of the key things in life is confidence, if you have that, you'll go far and I know it.

Ah dunno.

If you ever thought 'oh I hate my life' guaranteed you'd find someone who has an even worser life than your own. Trust me. Same thing happen to me, yeah I shouldn't hate my life but then again I was having a bad day, a friend of mine was telling me about her life and how she has no freedom, parents from hell, normal stuff a teenaged girl wouldn't want.
Under the circumstances, I would of traded my life with another friends but when she said to me 'Wanna swap familys?' I was like No.
I got me thinking, compared to her family, mine wern't as bad, sure I didn't get everything I want but who does? Poor girl has nothing to look forward to as she gets home.
Last few months have been the worse yet, stupid exam board mucking everything up ruining my only chance to acheive my grade!!
OCR suck.

music

I have a guitar and a keyboard and have no idea how to play both. I could get some tunes out of them but never know how to actually play them, like where the C... note(?) is and basic things like that.
When I was younger, I remember having flute lessons! Oh wow do I regret taking those, the only one thing I have been interested in is the guitar and I was annoyed when my younger cousin bought one before me but.. hers is pink so I couldn't complain I mean PINK?!! REAALY?!?
Sorry. I hate pink.
And yeah blah blah I'm a girl.
I was a real tomboy when I was younger and my aunty hated me for it. Only because I kept wearing these same dark green combat trousers and she really wanted to burn them, but hey they were comfortable.
I have no idea why but I'm really into sad music.
I was watching Glee the other day and during the end of the episode they had this dramatic ending... well song it was amazing because they were crying during the song which may sound corny but it really emotional that I wanted to cry.
I can remember the first ever film I actually cried in and it wasn't some childrens cartoon, and its not an old film, Click, starring Adam Sandler, I love his work and when he was dieing in the rain, Ijust cried... quietly. Not full on tears but a few tears. But then the moment passed. And so did I.
Now whenever anything is dramatically sad I feel the need to let out some tears and I hate it.
Okay, so I started with talking about music now I'm talking tears? Yeah, I can sometimes get off track.

I don't tend to blog much, at first I thought hell yeah blogging could be fun, letting it all out and telling people things ect. but I've realised I don't really have so much time on my hands to blog all the time so I guess I'll do it from time to time, whenever that is(!)
I've been meaning to change my backround picture because I don't like keeping things for too long but its hard.

Pets? Gross.

Even though im not a huge fan of animals I do feel for them, like now for instance its snowing again, what a big suprise and on either side of me I have neighbours who have pet cats who scare me every morning by just sitting there by the window while I walk at the edge of the road, keeping my distance wondering if it will pounce at me and scratch me!!!
Back to my point, the poor kitty (did I actually say that? Gross.) Was outside the house keeping his tail off the frozen ground eating crap off of the floor but hey! Why should I care? Its not my responsibility.
And plus those nasty buggers keep taking a dump in our garden, that answers how the plants or whatever you want to call it grow so fast!

Oh! And dont even get me started about dogs I mean whats with them coming up to you and sniffing you up? What are they going to find? Meat?

...

-18 degrees or more over here, and I cant say I like it. Schools have been closed everywhere and its hard leaving the house when noone wants to come out. Its my friend birthday today and the good friend I am I brought her a present... A taylor l. Poster! But its a shame ima have to wait till monday to give in to her. For new years I went bowling with some friends and im afraid to say I came last even if my technique was all right. On the other hand my friend scored a perfect game but threw the bowling ball like it was some line of cricket ball!
Al iz well, you learn something new everyday!