Ever made a difficult decision.

One point you really start to think about your future, right?
It was my last of school for the holidays and I was just laying in bed at 1am thinking about my university situation and what not.
You know what I thought?
I am really sick of where I am living right now! That's right! I really hate living in England! I have been here forever and to go through another 5+ years here is just way too much!!!
I don't want to anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Being born in an Asian family, you have to and I mean absolute have you follow the rules.
You can probably picture my dad, the Taxi driving, angry looking man. But he actually is not that angry looking but he always manages to have my friends say "Your dad scares me".
So as I was saying.
I have those ambitions to travel the world, I know I am not the only one and I thrive for that to happen. Normally when I want something I end up getting it, but not in a spoilt way. When I was young I wanted this mp3 player, everyday I would stare at the argos book until I got it.
I keep going off topic!
I want to study abroad, with the expenses of university (cheers for that, David..) I don't think medical uni's are cheap anyway.
Ah, god help me.
Has anybody ever done something like that?
Traveled to a different country, your family thinking your mad and can't live without them? For a whole year?

Wow am I unhealthy..

So I had my yearly check up at the doctors, no biggie, I was actually told that 1 in a 100 babies get this condition.. wow I feel so special.
Saying the world 'condition' makes it sound 100 times worse so I'll just tell you that its a heart condition, again no biggie.
First time at the 'adult clinic' ah it was horrible.
It was a new building filled with young nurses and doctors. 
I of course had to go with my MUMMY!!! And well we didn't know where it was so we asked a receptionist who told us the instructions like we were retarded.
I didn't know what to expect, last year I was the oldest person at the children's hospital and now I'm the youngest! It was weird.
Want to know what I did, I'll tell you this headache of a story.
I got signed in at reception and sat down in the waiting room.
After 10 minutes I got called by this young nurse who checked my height, weight ect. 
And then sat back down in the waiting room.
A different young lady called me to monitor my heart or something.
And then I sat back down in the waiting room.
My Doctor of MANY MANY YEARS (basically my whole life and wouldn't let me forget it) called me in to also monitor my heart with that stethoscope thingy.
And then I sat back down in the waiting room.
I then got called my another young dude this time who had to do an ECG on me (Uh if you don't know what it is, your lucky!! Joke, its not that weird, its just like looking at a baby on your belly.. i think? Not that I know, the movies you see)
After that, I sat back down in the waiting room.
My Doctor wanted to see me.. again!
Then I sat back down in the waiting room.
This older lady took me into her room to discuss my condition in more depth and gave me a hell a lot of leaflets and said I had to know all this for homework which is weird because I had YEARLY checkups and I am not going to remember all that. Anyway, she started talking about babies and what not. Barf. The title of this blog has nothing do with was I was talking about.. sorry! Basically one of the leaflets say what I should eat and what not to eat.. and lets just say it was not looking pretty.
And then I... WENT HOME HURRARRY!
It was a long process. 
Of course I appreciate what they do. 
Ooo I got an interview as voluntary work there sooo wish me luck! 
Peace! 

Little bit of this and that.

For psychology we were talking about stress and what impacts stress so we had to take this life score thing.
So everything that had happened to us we had to circle and that would give us a score.
The score would be.
0-100 normal
100-150 minimal risk of illness
and 300 or up, risk of illness
Something like that, I can't remember what it was exactly.
Worryingly, I received 328.
I was like WHAT.
My friend only got like 150 something like that and I got twice as much as her!
Holy crap. I'm insane then right?
All these insane moments in my life is what makes me me today. And No, I don't like it.
One silly lesson and I'm getting worked up about it though so.. yeah. Maybe I'm not insane, YEAH RIGHT.
I skipped school today. Does that make me a rebel? Or just stupid? I think stupid.
I'm sorry I'm typing weirdly, I just had a bag of skittles and I tend to get really hyper afterwards.
Ok seriously now.

Something I read, something quite obvious but I read it via twitter and I thought 'yeah, I should'
'Never be afraid to speak'
Your thinking what? That's lame.
But to me its not, everyday I struggle with confidence and I realise I have just as much right to talk than anybody else and I should not be afraid to open my mouth to say something.
Well it is still a work in progress.

There once was a girl..

She was a quiet girl getting through her final days of secondary school in the old building (the new building was being built at the time).
She had just come from lunch which was her favourite subject. Duh. 
So she had adrenaline pumping through her veins ready and pumped for English with her friends and they have a lot of fun in that lesson because the teacher was a really bad one so they didn't learn much.
The whole class was pretty much talking not really paying any attention to what we were suppose to be learning.
Across the classroom were the 'popular's?' well I would call them the loud mouths but you get some sort of idea what they were like right?
The quiet girl would just laugh away at convocations being made between her friends.
The loud mouths asked a question which was not directly asked to the quiet girl but to the group she was in, so one of the guys in the group answered.
The mistake happened then.
(Looking back on it it was a very weird moment)
She opened her mouth and joined in the convocation.
The whole class went quiet. Seriously.
One of the loud mouths were actually drinking at the time and nearly chocked on her drink. And you know what they said?
"She speaks!"
The girl went red in the face, that burning hot sensation spreading through her face,  felt like a frog was in her throat. 
Everything after that was a blur.
Because I fainted.
Yeah, the quiet girl was me.
But no I didn't faint, that was a joke. (In my defence it felt like I just died inside) Loti. 


It was a horrible and true story.
You're probably thinking, what the hell? But at the time it was probably the most embarrassing moment for me. Lame, I know.


(Listening to knock out by GD&TOP listen to it if you want to laugh, aw got to love them - Korean btw.)

It's that time of year again..

Yes, people its here again.
This time last year I was proper stressing about exams.
Yes EXAAAMS.
Technically I was stressed in June/July but this is important too!
I have an psychology exam tomorrow, there are so many things to remember, its like taking History, Maths and Science all in one! Its hard work!
Sometimes I would like to kick myself in the face because I have done barely any studying. And look! Here I am blogging when I am suppose to be revising.
Kick myself in the face again please!
Okay I should really be going.
Peace!

So long 2010! HELLO 2011!

No doubt I am excited for a new year, its what I see as a fresh start or something. There is so much I want to accomplish by the end of next year into 2012... gulp. o.o
Finding a job, getting a drivers license, get voluntary work, apply for university and most importantly enjoy my summer. (;
Has anybody got any new years resolutions?
I don't really see the point of keeping one, most people don't really keep them anyway! My dad is an avid smoker and he manages to always keep a new years resolution... well he says 'I will stop smoking' but uh. That never happens. Even so we still make them.
I still remember myself in the year 1999 even though I was like 5/6 years old and it was the big millennium there was a small TV in the corner of the room, it wasn't really small, just small and I had a bugs bunny note pad in my hand, my sister had a tweety bird note pad. I seriously thought the world was going to end there and then when the clock struck 12. I closed my eyes and everything, it was pretty massive. Now when it hits 12 it won't be as exciting as it used to be. :(
Anyway, I hope you do have an awesome new years party or whatever and try not to drink so much. o.O
I don't know. xD

Journey to nowhere?

You know your weird when you get off the bus and then travel in the wrong direction to your destination.

Cycle Path From 1 City to Another

In actual fact I just didn't want to go home just yet so I decided to go for a walk and had no idea where I was going, I know what your thinking, that's dangerous and she is weird. Well yeah, looking back on it, I was acting a little pretty cooky. Even more cooky because it was  -3 degrees outside but did you know walking does kind of warms you up inside.. some how.
So, I got off the bus and the first place I went to was the cycle path, its pretty long and it goes from one city to another which is like 13 miles? I didn't walk the whole path though, that would of been pretty weird of me and I would of been to lazy to do so. It was just this long path for bikes and people I guess, it was strange walking down because... it was pretty quiet and well there were so many paths to take I didn't know whether I should of carried on walking straight or go to a turn of leading you to a road but.. I kept on walking.

As I kept on walking I saw a squirrel. Yes a grey one.
Anyway, I kept on walking and it was really quiet, only one cyclist went by every few minutes from a distance I thought I saw a man but then the man lifted its hat off and out came a lock of hair, I thought oh okay its not a man its a woman so yeah, (bearing in mind I had not much to look at so I kept focus of this person) as the woman got closer, I was mistaken again, it was in fact a man with dreadlocks. Whoops.
I didn't really want to keep on going straight so I decided to get off this turn off this picture here. It looked like a wheelchair access type of thing but obviously since this was a cycle path.. this exit was for cyclists too. So I walked down it, I had no idea to where it lead to, but as I got off it, it was all clear to me.

It is in fact a graveyard, I knew exactly where I was because I had relatives who lived exactly opposite to this one and growing up I had to always walk past it to reach their house, I never slept round their house. This one was pretty massive I would read the names on the stones and there are some old ones.




While I was still walking on the cycle path there was this old building called Elizabeth Shaw, If I'm not mistaken, this building is where they made chocolate, I know this because my mum used to work here when it was open and she would tell us that it was.. haunted. o.O
I don't know if that's true but that place looks well scary now, broken glass everywhere.

 Yeah, so there still is snow everywhere!!! Its really annoying but.. what can you do ey?
(Yeah.. I don't know what to write for this) This is where my journey ended.

This.. well I was actually in the car when I took this but if you look real close in the distance you will see this yellow building.
I have no idea where it come from but I know some people who would call it 'Mad house' I don't know why but I see this everything I am on the motorway which is like 5 times a year.. yeah we have a lot of relatives, that's the price of being an Asian I guess. ;) So when I come back from a long trip from Heathrow Airport, which is an amazing airport I see this mad house and think. I'm almost home! If you have figured out where I live please don't stalk me. ;]

I love the motorway, looks so nice.

Woop Woop!!!! Party!!

Yes, its been a year already and I hope there are more years to come, the joy I have of blogging.
Happy anniversary I guess, to myself and this blog.
I have no idea why I'm writing so formally.
TTYL!!

(The next blog should be interesting and yes, finally! I will have pictures)

Just too much...

Obviously, the choices we make will define us for the rest of our lives, my early stages of life were pretty.. weird well you know, like any child who cared much for school? or about what we wore to school. Well actually I was really fanatic about my hair in those days which is pretty weird considering I was pretty much a tomboy then. Yeah, I hated dresses and looking 'dolled up' and wore hoodies and sporty things like Kappa. I keep saying and thinking how much I really miss my childhood and how hard I have to work these days to do well. Its horrible since I don't have an older sibling I could really look up to... well actually that's a lie.
I have a... almost 20 year old sister and I wouldn't really call her a role model so its just me.


My cousin, every time me and her see each other have this saying 'Middle children are adopted' its just a figure of speech, I'm not actually adopted... and I think I'm pretty sure of that! But yeah its just how we are I guess, first borns have a more special place in their parents hearts and the youngest, last borns are.. obvious the baby of the family. I always see this in my mind and I don't know why, I shouldn't really though, so as I am the middle child I am more... mature (sumujdhar as my dad would say, in his language) I just feel that is a big responsibility for me. my older sister is sort of just wandering around places with no future for her career wise so my parents don't do anything about it.


So why has it always got to be me?
Seriously? I don't want this anymore.
I wish I could have a long holiday and not come back to this.
I don't know exactly what I'm trying to run away from but its just too much for me to carry.
Give it to someone else! PLEASE.

Hold onto them... and never let go..

Growing up I have come to realised that the people who you meet in primary school, your first school in which you make your first friends and maybe even best friends, going around their houses, its kind of like having a second family, someone you can always turn to. You love seeing them in school everyday and get worried when they don't come in. Loved going to school knowing you had such great friends by your side.

For me, I had two best friends when I was in primary school, we used to have so much fun together and they were the same religion as me so it made me feel in more comfortable being around them. In school, whenever our teacher wasn't in school and we had a substitute, we were always separated because we wouldn't shut up in class, there would always be a kid in our class that said 'They are not suppose to sit together!' I even remember buying a three part 'best friend' necklace.

It may sound sort of corny but I really miss those simpler days, where studying was not the biggest worry in my life, all this responsibility was not important and making friends wasn't as hard as it is now.

While my friend was acting all goofy, stealing my bag because she didn't want me to leave her I even somehow said 'Stop acting so immature' or something along those lines, this happened today. 

So, me and my 'old' best friends are all grown up now, when we were 12 we went our separate ways to secondary school, and I hardly saw them after that. At first we would write letters to one another (that how long ago it was we wrote letters :P no Facebook or mobile phones to text) only last week I wanted to see her again so I said why don't we meet up, baring in mind I'm always the one who has to say 'oh what time? and when?' and she never bothers to reply back.

So I say, why bother? When she doesn't even bother considering answering my bloody texts?? Still, I want to stick onto our friendship because she was the reason why I enjoyed my primary school days and that would be a waste of my years of friendship and I really miss her.

Well... I did mention I had TWO best friends this was just one of them, the other one I was... much close to should I say. But then when we went to secondary school, everything changed between us, she was the one I sent the letters to and she changed, one of the worse things you could imagine when it came to your best friend, this was not the best friend you once knew, she was all about boys and I wasn't, I was still about friends, of course they were all different and secondary school, there was only 2 people who were the same religion as me and one of them was me! The other was a boy... my... um... old... crush. BARF!!!

Anyway.. a little argument broke our friendship, I was devestated, a little discussion that she took the wrong way ruined it all, of course after a year or two we became friends again, course she was the one who spoke to me first ;). but it will never be the same.

Now, I have a friend who has become really close to me, she calls me her best friend, and although I see her as one I don't completely feel the same way because to me I still remember my old best friends who I barely ever see. And I know, in a year or two she will disappear as well. 

I will still stick to my old friends as much as I can, I just hope they do the same.

IMissYouB&R<3

OH! I hope my blogs aren't too long :P